Policies

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Stop Bicycle Theft

My administration will stop this scourge upon our beloved county once and for all. This will have a cascading beneficial effect (for example, catalytic converters.) Marin will no longer be an easy mark. With many proven techniques such as technology, sting operations, 24-hour hotline, community empowerment, etc. we shall prevail. Number One Priority. A thousand points of light.

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Once caught, the Torture-Prison-Path-to-Redemption process kicks in. Send thieves the message. The thief will be zip-tied with hands behind the back of a chair, and forced to listen to Carol King’s Tapestry album, cover to cover. Followed by prison time and a path to redemption picking up litter on the 101 highway during rush hour.

 

Start a first-ever ALS comedy reality show

We don’t need more taxes and bond measures. I’m the only candidate with revenue-generating ideas. Staring Sam and his two assistants ThingOne and ThingTwo. (Don’t use numerals in writing ThingOne’s and ThingTwo’s name. They are very sensitive about that.)

 

Suppress the Republican Vote

No offense or anything to my Republican friends, but these people have stiff hair, are awful dancers, and have bland taste in food. They invade our beloved Marin County, coming in hordes of BMWs, taking up all the parking spaces with a sense of entitlement.

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Actually, I spoke to the Republican, and he likes this policy because it relieves him of his civic duty to vote.  He told me “What’s the use anyway?” Instead, he’s going to write-in “Sam Friedlander” for Marin County Supervisor.

 

Hold Monthly “Cutest Puppy of Marin” contests

Another revenue-generating idea. Let’s have some fun and sell puppy-of-the-month calendars as well as tickets to the big event at the Frank Lloyd Wright Civic Center.

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Remember Democrats love puppies and pet them, whereas Republicans kick puppies in the head. Vote for the Democrat. Write-In Sam Friedlander.